I have not felt this way
Since those Wednesday afternoons
Age seven, art class
And the smell of chlorine
Granny and the cousins
My stomach alive with nerves
The definition of excited.

Someone close to me
Used to ask
Are you excited
Repeatedly, in hope
I told him I grew up
I don’t get excited
I look forward to things.
It didn’t work out.

A year later
I found you
And this unpredictable obsession
Rose like the sun
a Mary Oliver poem
A capital T truth
The language of my heart
An out of body experience

My heart said
I’m seeking more now
And it may be
the abyss
The deep dive into death
A crew without a name.

Written by Candice Landau
I'm a PADI Scuba Diving Instructor, a lover of marine life and all efforts related to marine conservation, a tech diver and a member of various scuba organizations in the Pacific Northwest. I write articles related to diving and spend my non-diving time writing and providing digital marketing services to nonprofits and businesses.